Parental
Child Abduction is Child Abuse
By
Dr.
Nancy Faulkner, Ph.D
http://www.prevent-abuse-now.com/unreport2.htm
United Nations
- 9th June 1999
Presented
to the United Nations Convention on Child Rights in Special Session
on behalf of P.A.R.E.N.T. and victims of parental child abduction.
Introduction
"Because
of the harmful effects on children, parental kidnapping has been characterized
as a form of child abuse" reports Patricia Hoff, Legal Director
for the Parental Abduction Training and Dissemination Project, American
Bar Association on Children and the Law. Hoff explains:
"Abducted
children suffer emotionally and sometimes physically at the hands of
abductor-parents. Many children are told the other parent is dead or
no longer loves them. Uprooted from family and friends, abducted children
often are given new names by their abductor-parents and instructed not
to reveal their real names or where they lived before." (Hoff,
1997)
As
an early leader in the relatively new field of parental child abduction
issues, Dr. Dorothy Huntington wrote an article published in 1982, Parental
Kidnapping: A New Form of Child Abuse. Huntington contends that from
the point of view of the child, "child stealing is child abuse."
According to Huntington, "in child stealing the children are used
as both objects and weapons in the struggle between the parents which
leads to the brutalization of the children psychologically, specifically
destroying their sense of trust in the world around them." Because
of the events surrounding parental child abduction, Huntington emphasizes
that "we must reconceptualize child stealing as child abuse of
the most flagrant sort" (Huntington, 1982, p. 7).
There
is an unfortunate and evident paucity of literature on parental child
abduction. Just during the past two decades, Huntington (1982), Greif
and Hegar (1993), and others have begun addressing concerns for children
kidnapped by their parent abductors. With growing concerns for abducted
children, some experts have coined terms like "Parental Alienation"
to describe the potential negative impact on child victims. Regardless
of the specific terms designed to illustrate the effects of parental
child abduction, there is general consensus that the children are the
resultant casualties.
Risk
Factors
Post-divorce
parental child stealing has been on the increase since the mid-1970s,
paralleling the rising divorce rate and the escalating litigation over
child custody (Huntington, 1986). According to Hoff (1997), "The
term 'parental kidnapping' encompasses the taking, retention or concealment
of a child by a parent, other family member, or their agent, in derogation
of the custody rights, including visitation rights, of another parent
or family member."
The
abductor parent may move from one state to another, beginning a new
round of investigation into the abuse with each move, impeding intervention
by child protective services (Jones, Lund & Sullivan, 1996). Or,
the abductor may flee to another country, completely shutting down any
hopes of involvement by child protective services in the country of
origin. The most pervasive scenario is that the abducting parent goes
into hiding, or moves beyond the jurisdiction of governing law.
"These
kidnappings are very cleverly plotted and planned and often involve
the assistance of family members. The target parent has no forwarding
address or telephone numbers." (Clawar & Rivlin, p. 115)
Huntington
and others believe that inherent in the act of kidnapping and concealment
are negative consequences for the child victims. It is Huntington's
contention that one of the most concerning factors is that the parent
has fled and "is out of reach of law and child protection agencies."
To escape discovery the abductor parent is hiding out, -- "so who
knows what is happening with child!" (Huntington, 1982).
The
abducted child is without the safeguards normally provided by child
law. This leaves the child completely vulnerable to the dictates of
the abductor parent, who, as evidenced in the following research by
Johnson and Girdner, may not have the child's best interests in mind,
or may be functioning with severe impediments.
A study
entitled Prevention of Parent or Family Abduction through Early Identification
of Risk Factors was conducted by Dr. Janet Johnston (Judith Wallerstein
Center for the Family in Transition) and Dr. Linda Girdner (ABA Center
on Children and the Law). The researchers detailed six risk parent profiles
for abduction:
1.
Have threatened to abduct or abducted previously;
2.
Are suspicious and distrustful due to a belief abuse has occurred;
3.
Are paranoid-delusional;
4.
Are sociopathic;
5.
Have strong ties to another country; and
6.
Feel disenfranchised from the legal system.
These
findings by Johnston and Girdner pose a bleak prognosis for children
held at the hands of such inept parents.
According
to Rand, an abducting parent views the child's needs as secondary to
the parental agenda which is to provoke, agitate, control, attack or
psychologically torture the other parent. "It should come as no
surprise, then, that post-divorce parental abduction is considered a
serious form of child abuse" (Rand, 1997).
It
is generally accepted that children are emotionally impacted by divorce.
Children of troubled abductor parents bear an even greater burden. "The
needs of the troubled parent override the developmental needs of the
child, with the result that the child becomes psychologically depleted
and their own emotional and social progress is crippled" (Rand,
1997). Since the problem of parental child abduction is known to occur
in divided parents rather than in united and intact families, the inordinate
emotional burdens compound abduction trauma. Rand reports that although
Wallerstein is familiar with Parental Alienation Syndrome, Wallerstein
and Blakeslee (1989) prefer the term "overburdened child"
to describe this problem.
In
custody disputes and abductions, the extended support systems of the
parents can become part of the dispute scenario, -- leading to a type
of "tribal warfare" (Johnston & Campbell, 1988). Believing
primarily one side of the abduction story, -- family, friends, and professionals
may lose their objectivity. As a result, protective concerns expressed
by the abandoned parent may be viewed as undue criticism, interference,
and histrionics. Thus, the abandoned parent may be ineffectual in relieving
the trauma imposed on an innocent child by the parental abduction.
Generally
the abductor does not even speak of the abandoned parent and waits patiently
for time to erase probing questions, like "When can we see mom
(dad) again?". "These children become hostages ... it remains
beyond their comprehension that a parent who really cares and loves
them cannot discover their whereabouts" (Clawar & Rivlin, p.
115).
Impact
of Parental Child Abduction
Children
who have been psychologically violated and maltreated through the act
of abduction, are more likely to exhibit a variety of psychological
and social handicaps. These handicaps make them vulnerable to detrimental
outside influences (Rand, 1997). Huntington (1982) lists some of the
deleterious effects of parental child abduction on the child victim:
1.
Depression;
2.
Loss of community;
3.
Loss of stability, security, and trust;
4.
Excessive fearfulness, even of ordinary occurrences;
5.
Loneliness;
6.
Anger;
7.
Helplessness;
8.
Disruption in identity formation; and
9.
Fear of abandonment.
Many
of these untoward effects can be subsumed under the problems relevant
to Reactive Attachment Disorder, the diagnostic categories in the following
section, and the sections on fear, of abandonment, learned helplessness,
and guilt, that follow.
Reactive
Attachment Disorder.
Attachment
is the deep and enduring connection established between a child and
caregiver in the first few years of life. It profoundly influences every
component of the human condition, -- mind, body, emotions, relationships,
and values. Children lacking secure attachments with caregivers often
become angry, oppositional, antisocial, and may grow up to be parents
who are incapable of establishing this crucial foundation with their
own children (Levy & Orlans, 1999).
Children
who lack permanence in their lives often develop a "one-day-at-a-time"
perspective of life, which effects appropriate development of the cognitive-behavioral
chain -- thoughts, feelings, actions, choices, and outcomes. "They
think, 'I've been moved so many times, I'll just be moved again. So
why should I care?'" (ACE, 1999).
Stringer
(1999) and other experts on attachment disorder concur that the highest
risk occurs during the first few years of life. This disorder is classified
in the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM-IV)
as Reactive Attachment Disorder. According to Stringer, common causes
of attachment problems are:
1.
Sudden or traumatic separation from primary caretaker (through death,
illness hospitalization of caretaker, or removal of child);
2.
Physical, emotional, or sexual abuse;
3.
Neglect (of physical or emotional needs);
4.
Frequent moves and/or placements;
5.
Inconsistent or inadequate care at home or in day care (care must include
holding, talking, nurturing, as well as meeting basic physical needs);
and
6.
Chronic depression of primary caretaker.
It
is evident that these causality factors would place at high risk children
who are subjected to similar conditions in the circumstances of parental
kidnapping.
Attachment
is the reciprocal process of emotional connection. This fundamental
and necessary developmental process influences a child's physical, cognitive,
and psychological development. It becomes the basis for development
of basic trust or mistrust, and shapes how the child will relate to
the world, how the child will learn, and how the child will form relationships
throughout life. "If this process is disrupted, the child may not
develop the secure base necessary to support all future healthy development"
(Stringer, 1999).
Stringer
(1999), Van Bloem (1999), The Attachment Center (ACE, 1999), and criteria
in the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM-IV,
1994) identify a significant and troubling list of behaviors associated
with problematic attachment:
1.
Unable to engage in satisfying reciprocal relationships;
2.
Superficially engaging, charming (not genuine);
3.
Lack of eye contact;
4.
Indiscriminately affectionate with strangers;
5.
Lack of ability to give and receive affection on parents' terms (not
cuddly);
6.
Inappropriately demanding and clingy;
7.
Poor peer relationships;
8.
Low self esteem;
9.
Affectionate with strangers or attempts to leave with strangers;
10.
Refuses, resists, or is uncomfortable with affection on parental terms;
11.
Incessant chatter or nonsense questions;
12.
Hyperactive, over-active, or attention deficit;
13.
Poor, underdeveloped, or no conscience;
14.
Hoarding, gorging, eating abnormalities, or hiding food;
15.
Intense control battles;
16.
Significant learning problems or lags;
17.
Fire setting, fire play, or fascination with fire;
18.
Daily lying or lying in the face of the obvious;
19.
Fascination with weapons, blood, or gore;
20.
Destructive to self or others; and
21.
Cruelty to animals, siblings, or others.
This
unsettling list of disturbances and other constellations of behaviors
exhibited by abducted children comprises criteria from various childhood
disorder categories of the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental
Disorders that might lead one to rule out the following diagnoses:
1.
Reactive Attachment Disorder of Infancy or Early Childhood;
2.
Separation Anxiety Disorder;
3.
Overanxious Disorder of Childhood;
4.
Attention-Deficit/Hyperactivity Disorder;
5.
Conduct Disorder;
6.
Disruptive Behavior Disorder;
7.
Oppositional Defiant Disorder;
8.
Eating Disorders;
9.
Learning Disorder NOS;
10.
Regression and Elimination Disorders: Encopresis and Enuresis; and
11.
Post Traumatic Stress Syndrome.
As
a relatively new diagnosis to the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual
of Mental Disorders, Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD), also known
as Attachment Disorder (AD), is often misunderstood, and relatively
unknown (ACE, 1999). Although the official DSM-IV diagnosis may be overlooked
by some professionals, the phenomenon of attachment disorder was observed
50 years ago by Rene Spitz in the well known monkey studies. Spitz reported
that infant monkeys may actually die if they are not played with, talked
to, held, stroked, and tended. Some species of young monkeys die when
abandoned. Even a brief separation of infant monkeys from their mothers
is seen two years later, causing the infants to be more timid, clingy,
and relate poorly to others.
Humans
are social animals. If abandoned as an infant or young child, we may
first protest by screaming, then quietly withdraw; finally, we become
detached and apathetic. Abandoned, we may joylessly play some with others,
but there is no emotional involvement (Tucker-Ladd, 1960).
The
DSM-IV (1994) defines Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD) as markedly
disturbed and developmentally inappropriate social relatedness in most
contexts, beginning before age five. According to Van Bloem (1999),
inexperienced professionals often misdiagnose Reactive Attachment Disorder
(RAD) as Oppositional Defiant Disorder, Attention Deficit Disorder,
Depression, Autism, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder, Bipolar Disorder,
or Attention-Deficit/Hyperactivity Disorder. Other experts in RAD estimate
that this disorder has been misdiagnosed as Bi-Polar Disorder or Attention
Deficit Disorder in 40 to 70 percent of the cases (ACE, 1999).
Bloem
(1999) suggests that Reactive Attachment Disorder is often accompanied
by other diagnosis listed above, but that Attachment Disorder most often
needs to be the primary diagnosis and the focus of early intervention.
Some professionals may mildly disagree with Bloem's preferred diagnostic
perspective; however, most would agree that the resultant trauma to
a child, -- who in a moment was stolen away from his or her entire world
of familiarity, -- is emotionally, developmentally, and psychologically
devastating.
Van
Bloem (1999) reports that for a child "it is not possible to develop
true self-esteem and find peace without resolving differences and emotional
pain due to stressed or damaged emotional ties to parents and family."
According to Van Bloem, attachment helps the child to:
1.
Attain full intellectual potential;
2.
Sort out perceptions;
3.
Think logically;
4.
Develop a conscience;
5.
Become self-reliant;
6.
Cope with stress and frustration;
7.
Handle fear and worry;
8.
Develop future relationships; and
9.
Reduce jealousy (Van Bloem, 1999).
The
words "attachment" and "bonding" are used interchangeably.
These bonding impaired individuals typically fail to develop a conscience
and do not learn how to trust. With Attachment Disorder, individuals
have difficulty forming intimate lasting relationships (ACE, 1999).
Children with attachment disturbance often project an image of self-sufficiency
and charm, while masking inner feelings of insecurity and self hate.
Unfortunately, such children do not respond well to traditional parenting
or therapy, since both rely on the child's ability to form relationships
(Stringer, 1999).
Adult
survivors of abuse may experience long term or chronic lifetime symptoms
resulting from childhood trauma. For example, a person who has been
physically abused might suffer from depression or anxiety. A victim
of childhood sexual abuse might exhibit symptoms of Posttraumatic Stress,
or other disorders as evidenced in the DSM-IV criteria of adult mental
health disorders, such as:
1.
Agoraphobia
2.
Posttraumatic Stress Disorder
3.
Dissociative Identity Disorder
4.
Dysthymic Disorder
5.
Substance Abuse or Dependency
6.
Generalized Anxiety Disorder
7.
Major Depressive Disorder
8.
Panic Attacks or Panic Disorder
9.
Borderline Personality Disorder
All
too often, children suffering from Reactive Attachment Disorder go untreated
and become adults without conscience (Antisocial Personality Disorder)
and without concern for anyone but themselves. "Parental dreams
are lost, and they grow up uncaring and without social conscience"
(ACE, 1999).
Learned
Helplessness.
The
concept of learned helplessness is based on the highly respected work
of Seligman in 1975, when he observed this helpless condition among
animals that were unable to alter their environment. Seligman subjected
dogs to random shocks at variable intervals that were completely unrelated
to their volitional behaviors. Nothing the dogs could do would protect
them from being shocked. Under this experimental treatment, the dogs
became passive and refused to leave their cages, even though the cage
doors were eventually left open as the shock treatments continued.
"The
key to the learned helplessness model is punishment that is totally
unrelated to the victim's behavior, that is, the victim does not have
to do anything wrong to be punished" (Lalli, 1997). As a consequence,
the victim places him or herself under a virtual house arrest without
informed judgment that includes facts of the situation. In the situation
of parental abduction, the child victim often does not know why he or
she has been abducted, has no control over the situation, and even though
there may be very strong feelings of anger, frustration and confusion,
-- the totality of helplessness may result in a yielding to the circumstances.
This yielding and superficial appearance of resolution to the circumstance
may be the result of complete devastation, lack of control, and total
helplessness, -- rather than acceptance.
Fear
and Phobias.
Most
phobias are groundless and excessive, such as fears of crowds, small
spaces, addressing large groups, and heights. These fears of harmless
situations may be associated with fantasies of horrible consequences,
like the fear of public speaking. Thus, frightening and irrational thoughts
of what might happen become paired with the real situation, which in
turn produces a fear reaction. For example, at night a child has fantasies
of demons lurking under the bed and in the closet. The stronger the
fantasies, the worse the fear when the lights are turned off. Soon,
the fears will occur prior to bedtime, from anticipation of being in
the dark.
"Likewise,
most of us have at least a mild fear of the dark. Relatively few people
have been attacked in the dark, no one by ghosts or monsters. Yet, at
age 3 or 4 (as soon as our imagination develops enough) we begin fantasizing
scary creatures lurking in the dark. Our own fantasies create our fear
of the dark." (Tucker-Ladd, 1960)
Children
who are abducted have been stripped of almost everything familiar -
toys, personal possessions, playmates, relatives, teachers, the neighborhood,
playgrounds, favorite shopping and eating places, -- daily routine --
and a parent. Suddenly snatched from all that is familiar and deposited
without adequate preparation into a completely new environment, -- fear
of the unknown, future events, emotional safety, and physical safety
can run rampant and become irrational. The real threat becomes even
more exaggerated and capacities to deal with the threat seem completely
inadequate. "This is horrible, out of my control, and I can't deal
with it." Overwhelmed with the stress of new stimuli and unable
to make sense of the situation may lead the child to excessive anxiety
and fears, which in turn may develop into chronic anxiety, stress reactions,
depression, paranoia and/or other complications discussed in the following
sections.
Stress
and Generalized Anxiety Disorder.
One
of the leaders in theories of anxiety, Hans Selye spent a life-time
studying stress and postulated that almost any change is a stressor,
since there is a resultant demand to deal with a new situation. If normal
daily stressors are increased to unusual and traumatic events, like
child abduction, the short and long term impact may significantly impair
development and functioning, -- even into adulthood.
There
are three stages in General Adaptation Syndrome (GAS). In the alarm
stage, physiological changes occur, -- the heart beats faster, respiration
increases and becomes more labored, senses become at least temporarily
more alert, perspiration occurs, -- all preparing the body to flee or
attack. The body responds with panic, a reaction to the fight or flight
dilemma. Under continued stress, the second stage begins, -- resistance.
The body becomes weary and attempts to adjust and adapt to the stress.
Despite efforts to adapt, the autonomic system is still working overtime.
If
the stress is extended (days, weeks, and months), resistance is further
depleted and exhaustion occurs. Energy to continue stress adaptation
is depleted. The body gives up, with some resultant damage potentially
occurring, -- particularly to the heart, kidneys, and stomach. Commonly,
psychosomatic disorders occur. These somatic disorders are psychologically
mediated physical difficulties, like lethargy, pain, hypertension, headaches,
abdominal and gastric distress, and sleep disorders. Feelings of hopelessness
and a state of confusion generally accompany the physical symptoms and
decision-making deteriorates under intense or prolonged stress.
Extensive
replicated research findings have demonstrated these psychosomatic and
physiologically damaging consequences may also occur as a result of
extended stress from circumstances of childhood trauma. The potential
for harmful effects of divorce on children has been widely substantiated.
Stress has been documented to alter the brain, cardiovascular systems,
immune systems, and hormonal system. For example, it has been discovered
that female adult survivors of childhood sexual abuse have a smaller
hippocampus than non-abused women. Stress symptoms that are evident
as an adult may be due to occurrences from many years prior, e.g., the
long term effects of divorce, such as a fear of intimacy, may occur
much later in life, -- 10 or 15 years later.
In
children, extended stress may result in regression of behaviors, like
age inappropriate thumbsucking, excessive clingyness, unexplained crying,
bedwetting, and temper tantrums.
Prolonged
and unresolved stress may also manifest in displacement, the redirection
of impulses (often anger) from the real threat to an innocent and safer
person. Often, the redirection is because the threat is too dangerous
to confront. This may be the case in an abducted child who redirects
his or her anger from the abductor to another person, possibly the abandoned
parent for not rescuing and restoring life to the way it had been. Another
form of displacement is internal. Instead of displacing hostility to
another person, it is turned inward, against oneself. This is not uncommon
in depression and suicide.
Extended
stress and frustration to resolve the conflict, in an effort to relieve
the anxiety, may result in reaction formation, -- denial and reversal
of feelings. Love becomes hate, or hate becomes love. For example, with
a problem between a parent and child, the child may express the anger
through exaggeration of affection. In this situation, the child may
superficially appear to be closely bonded with the parent who is contributing
to the stress; if asked, the child will attest to a strong and loving
parent-child relationship.
Yet
another stress reaction is identification, -- the process of attempting
to bond with the person responsible for the stressors and becoming like
the abuser to diminish the conflictual anxiety. As an example, some
sexual assault victims have been known to identify strongly with offenders,
even to the point of developing intimate relationships with incarcerated
abusers. In these situations, the victim may emulate and become more
and more like the abuser. Identification with and emulation of the offender
is particularly true in cases of child sexual assault victims who become
adult offenders. In parental child abductions, some children have been
known to identify with the abducting parent, to the point of completely
rejecting and blaming the abandoned parent, despite evidence absent
blame.
Stress
also generally interferes with performance, resulting in inhibited learning,
poor decision-making, and resulting in restricted development. Intense
and prolonged stress, especially in childhood, may create an overreaction
to stress, -- even years later. Intense reactions to stress and resultant
failures become a self perpetuating cycle, creating more stress and
more failure. Continued failure breeds the feelings of helplessness
and hopelessness, which circles back to learned helplessness and giving
up.
Generalized
Anxiety Disorder is more intense than the normal anxiety generally experienced
day to day. It's chronic and exaggerated worry and tension, even though
time has passed, the circumstance has changed, and there seems to be
nothing evident that will continue to provoke anxiety. Having this disorder
means anticipating disaster and experiencing excessive concerns about
health, money, family, or work. The problems generalize to other situations
in life, become self-sustaining, and the original stressors are then
difficult to identify.
People
suffering from Generalized Anxiety Disorder cannot seem to control or
manage their concerns, even though they may realize their anxiety is
more intense than the situation warrants. They seem unable to relax,
often have trouble falling or staying asleep, with worries that are
accompanied by physical symptoms, like twitching, muscle tension, headaches,
irritability, sweating, or hot flashes. There may be feelings of being
lightheaded, out of breath, nauseated or an urgency to urinate; or,
there may be an almost constant feeling of having a lump in the throat.
There may be a heightened startle response, lethargy, or difficulty
concentrating. If severe, manifestations of Generalized Anxiety Disorder
can be very debilitating, making it difficult to carry out even the
most ordinary daily activities (DSM-IV, 1994).
Guilt.
It
is difficult for some to understand the guilt felt by a victim, particularly
when the victim is a child. Survivors of childhood sexual abuse continue
to remind us that they felt guilt -- guilt that they may have in some
way brought on the abuse, guilt for feeling some sensate pleasure, guilt
for destruction of the family constellation when the abuse was discovered,
and guilt for legal consequences to the offender.
Literature
on divorce is deplete with references to children feeling that they
had somehow brought about difficulties between their parents and were
responsible for the culminating division of the family. The guilt of
abducted children is not dissimilar.
"These
children are extremely guilty when they return and are very fearful
of the reaction of the other parent. They do not know who to believe,
the are bewildered and very fearful. Many children have a sense that
the stealing was their fault and that it could have been avoided. They
feel to blame for both the stealing and for the divorce. Many of the
older children feel very guilty about not having tried to contact the
parent victim. These children feel it is not possible to have a relationship
with both parents, and they are town between them. It is not uncommon
to see total confusion when they are returned, particularly with a sense
of being returned to a stranger." (Huntington, 1982, p. 8)
Acute
Stress Disorder and Posttraumatic Stress Disorder.
The
diagnoses of Acute Stress Disorder and Posttraumatic Stress Disorder
are commonly applied by professionals to victims of abuse situations,
such as sexual abuse and child abduction, when the presenting symptoms
and applicable conditions apply. According to the criteria of the Diagnostic
and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (1994), a person suffering
from Acute Stress Disorder has been exposed to a traumatic event in
which both of the following were present:
1.
The person experienced, witnessed, or was confronted with an event or
events that involved actual or threatened death or serious injury, or
a threat to the physical integrity of self or others;
2.
The person's response involved intense fear, helplessness, or horror.
Either
while experiencing or after experiencing the distressing event, the
individual has three (or more) of the following dissociative symptoms:
1.
A subjective sense of numbing, detachment, or absence of emotional responsiveness;
2.
A reduction in awareness of his or her surroundings (e.g., "being
in a daze");
3.
Derealization;
4.
Depersonalization;
5.
Dissociative amnesia (i.e., inability to recall an important aspect
of the trauma).
Like
many reactive effects and symptoms discussed in the sections above,
this diagnostic category also includes marked symptoms of anxiety or
increased arousal (e.g., difficulty sleeping, irritability, poor concentration,
hypervigilance, exaggerated startle response, motor restlessness). A
victim of abuse may meet the criteria for this diagnosis when the disturbance
causes clinically significant distress or impairment in social, occupational,
or other important areas of functioning; or, when the disturbance impairs
the individual's ability to pursue some necessary task, such as obtaining
necessary assistance or mobilizing personal resources by telling family
members about the traumatic experience.
Parental
Alienation and the Overburdened Child.
"Physical
kidnapping situations leave children extremely susceptible to indoctrination
against a target parent. Often the operating strategy is to frighten
the child into believing that the only way to exist is to escape some
ambiguous harm that is to be inflicted upon the parent, child or both
of them by the target parent" (Clawar & Rivlin, p. 115).
In
Children Held Hostage: Dealing With Programmed and Brainwashed Children,
Clawar and Rivlin detail signs of abduction victim "maladjustment
that go beyond the impact of separation and divorce" (p. 129).
The authors delineate these parental child abduction consequences as
"specifically related to the effects of brainwashing and programming."
Clawar and Rivlin list 25 resultant manifestations, including anger,
loss of self-confidence and self-esteem, development of fears and phobias,
depression, sleep disorders, and eating disorders.
"Brainwashing"
and "programming" are terms used more and more frequently
by experts of parental child abduction. These terms may initially offend
or alienate the reader who is not familiar with Parental Alienation
and abduction dynamics. "Brainwashing" and "programming"
-- or changing a child's belief systems, -- may be intentional, or,
it may be the unintentional process of a parent imposing their belief
systems on the child through an extended period of inadvertent repetition.
According
to Garbarino et al. (1986), psychological maltreatment can be viewed
as a pattern of adult behavior which is psychologically destructive
to the child, sabotaging the child's appropriate normal development
of self and social competence. To assist with a framework for understanding
brainwashing and parental alienation concepts, five types of psychological
maltreatment identified by Garbarino et al. were adapted by Rand (1997)
to apply to the Parental Alienation Syndrome (PAS):
1.
Rejecting - The child's legitimate need for a relationship with both
parents is rejected. The child has reason to fear rejection and abandonment
by the alienating parent if positive feelings are expressed about the
other parent and the people and activities associated with that parent.
2.
Terrorizing - The child is bullied or verbally assaulted into being
terrified of the target parent. The child is psychologically brutalized
into fearing contact with the target parent and retribution by the alienating
parent for any positive feelings the child might have for the other
parent. Psychological abuse of this type may be accompanied by physical
abuse.
3.
Ignoring - The parent is emotionally unavailable to the child, leading
to feelings of neglect and abandonment. Divorced parents may selectively
withhold love and attention from the child, a subtler form of rejecting
which shapes the child's behavior.
4.
Isolating - The parent isolates the child from normal opportunities
for social relations. In PAS, the child is prevented from participating
in normal social interactions with the target parent and relatives and
friends on that side of the family. In severe PAS, social isolation
of the child sometimes extends beyond the target parent to any social
contacts which might foster autonomy and independence.
5.
Corrupting - The child is missocialized and reinforced by the alienating
parent for lying, manipulation, aggression toward others or behavior
which is self destructive. In PAS with false allegations of abuse, the
child is also corrupted by repeated involvement in discussions of deviant
sexuality regarding the target parent or other family and friends associated
with that parent. In some cases of severe PAS, the alienating parent
trains the child to be an agent of aggression against the target parent,
with the child actively participating in deceits and manipulations for
the purpose of harassing and persecuting the target parent.
Separation
Anxiety and Fear of Abandonment.
Separation
Anxiety and fear of abandonment is noteworthy enough that it deserves
mention separate from fear and learned helplessness. While manifestations
of this problem may also meet the criteria for Overanxious Disorder
of Childhood, in this instance features are more specific to having
been removed from and seemingly abandoned by a parent. As mentioned
above, the child may have no way of knowing what attempts the abandoned
parent may be making for rescue, may believe to have been deserted by
that parent, and may have been convinced by the abducting parent that
the abandoned parent is deceased or no longer cares about the child.
According
to the DSM-IV (1994), Separation Anxiety is manifested by developmentally
inappropriate and excessive anxiety concerning separation from home
or from those to whom the individual is attached, as evidenced by three
(or more) of the following:
1.
Recurrent excessive distress when separation from home or major attachment
figures occurs or is anticipated;
2.
Persistent and excessive worry about losing, or about possible harm
befalling, major attachment figures;
3.
Persistent and excessive worry that an untoward event will lead to separation
from a major attachment figure (e.g., getting lost or being kidnapped);
4.
Persistent reluctance or refusal to go to school or elsewhere because
of fear of separation;
5.
Persistently and excessively fearful or reluctant to be alone or without
major attachment figures at home or without significant adults in other
settings;
6.
Persistent reluctance or refusal to go to sleep without being near a
near a major attachment figure or to sleep away from home;
7.
Repeated nightmares involving the theme of separation;
8.
Repeated complaints of physical symptoms (such as headaches, stomachaches,
nausea, or vomiting) when separation from major attachment figures occurs
or is anticipated.
The
duration of the disturbance is at least 4 weeks. The onset is before
age 18 years. The disturbance causes clinically significant distress
or impairment in social, academic (occupational), or other important
areas of functioning (DSM-IV, 1994).
Even
children who have not suffered the trauma of abduction may experience
Separation Anxiety and fear of abandonment. The death of a parent, family
member, or friend's parent, as well as extended absences of one parent
and other factors normally expected in life may contribute to separation
anxiety. That being the case, one can only imagine the degree of Separation
Anxiety experienced by a child who believes to have been abandoned by
a parent as a consequence of parental abduction circumstances.
Grief.
Siegelman
(1983), an expert on grief, contends that change is upsetting because
we are leaving a part of ourselves behind. Any change involves loss
of the known and relinquishing of a reality that has contributed to
understanding and consistency. Elizabeth Kubler-Ross, a well respected
authority on grief, suggests that the second most intense life stress,
second to death, is divorce or loss of a love relationship. "Love
relationship" in this sense applies to all familial and close relationships,
e.g., husband-wife, parent-child, siblings, etc.
Not
only does an abducted child experience the physical distancing and loss
of a parent, the child may also be lead to believe the parent is deceased.
Parent abductors are frequently known to invent stories about the abandoned
parent to silence the frightened child's questioning. With the death
of a parent, generally comes loss of attachment, history, and roots.
According to Ross, a sudden, unexpected loss is usually harder to accept
than an anticipated loss for which we have had time to prepare, as is
the case for a kidnapped child.
Loss
and grief experts also agree that the loss of a person on whom we are
dependent is difficult to handle, especially if that dependency left
us without a life of our own and incompetent to care for ourselves --
like that of an abducted child kidnapped from a parent on whom he or
she was dependent. Also, the assistance from personal support systems
-- family and friends -- is an important factor in recovering from a
loss. Support for such losses are likely to be especially weak when
one lives away from family or has few friends, such as the grief-stricken
child who was removed from their own support and reality. An abducted
child has lost most, if not all support systems.
So,
added to the abducted child's long laundry list of challenges, problems,
stressors, and confusions, -- is grief. Grief for the absent parent,
for a life that no longer exists, for friends and loved ones, and for
the certainty and comfort of life as it was.
What
has been reported about abducted children?
According
to Greif (1999) in his personal lecture notes on "The Impact of
Parental Abduction on Children," the following have been experienced
by "children on the run," whether they remain within their
country of origin or are taken across international borders:
1.
Physical, sexual, and emotional abuse (the range being from 6% with
Finkelhor, to higher with others);
2.
Neglect in terms of care, feeding, and psychological nurturing;
3.
Specific training in how to be secretive in relation to hiding a sense
of self, hiding accomplishments, distrusting authorities, etc.;
4.
Being lied to about the searching parent, including being told the searching
parent has abandoned the child, doesn't love the child, or the searching
parent is dead;
5.
Being moved constantly and denied contact for any significant time with
any one other than the abductor - this may include being cut-off from
contact with siblings, teachers, friends, grandparents, and other relatives;
6.
In addition, and on a more complex level, an abducted child is exposed
to a dynamic situation where the child may take on an inappropriate,
more adult-like role. In one scenario, the child may become the protector
or caretaker of the abductor, if the abductor appears in need of emotional
reassurance. In another scenario, the child over-identifies with the
abductor in an "us against them" mentality where distrust
of authority is the norm. One possible result of either dynamic is that
the located child remains with the abductor!
Confirming
the discussions above about the impact of child abduction, Greif adds
that according to the literature, upon recovery the child may experience:
1.
Concerns about safety and reabduction;
2.
Guilt and shame;
3.
Confusion about his or her identity if there has been a name change;
4.
Loyalty conflicts between the searching parent and the abductor with
whom the child may have identified;
5.
Specific problems like depression, anxiety, anomie, bedwetting, thumb-sucking;
and
6.
Psychological regression, withdrawal, PTSD-like symptoms, and extreme
fright.
Conclusion
"As
adults, many victims of bitter custody battles who had been permanently
removed from a target parent, whisked away to a new town and given a
new identity, still long to be reunited with the lost parent. The loss
cannot be undone. Childhood cannot be recaptured. Gone forever is that
sense of history, intimacy, lost input of values and morals, self-awareness
through knowing one's beginnings, love, contact with extended family,
and much more. Virtually no child possesses the ability to protect him-
or herself against such an undignified and total loss" (Clawar
& Rivlin, p. 105).
N.
Faulkner 1996-2003
